Simple Guidance for Building Rapport with Customers When You Have to Give Them Bad News


When you can’t tell your customer exactly what they want to hear, maintaining a sense of rapport can be challenging. But it’s possible to give your customer lousy news with empathy and a positive slant.

When you have to give a customer bad news, do it using the “Feel, Felt, Found Method.” This approach helps you to foster a sense of connection with customers, even when you can’t give them exactly what they want.

The basic model for Feel, Felt, Found is:


Relay that you understand how the customer feels. “I can understand why you feel that way.”


Show the customer they aren’t alone. “I had another customer who had a similar situation and felt the same way.”


Tell the customer what you’ve found to work. “We found that this worked best.”

Let me show you how this looks in action.

Five Things You Can Do About the Telephone Experience Problem


When I listen to phone calls ahead of training for contact centers, medical practices, and customer service departments, I spot five glaring problems in almost every company I work with. The Big Five Are: 1) Blunt, slang-like approach to asking questions, 2) Overtalking customers in an attempt to move the interaction forward, 3) No acknowledgment of the customer’s pain point, 4) Not listening, and 5) Missed rapport opportunities by not pacing.

Today I’m giving you quick fixes for the significant five issues I always see with my clients. You can use these solutions for a short 15-minute team training or in your coaching meetings.

1. Speak In Complete Sentences

Merely going from “Last name?” to “May I have your last name, please?” instantly makes interactions sound friendlier.

4 Things I Learned From Taking My Daughter to Work With Me at LinkedIn Learning


For three years, my 19-year-old College Daughter has worked for my company as a Studio Tech. Lauren’s the genius behind our studio setup, teleprompter, camera, and audio. She also assembles workbooks and advises me on all things Millennial and Gen Y.

Both of my kids get to travel with me for speaking engagements a few times a year – last year Lauren joined me in New York twice. My son experienced Las Vegas with me last summer, and both kids joined me for a conference in the Dallas area a few months ago.

Last week the kids and my husband joined me in Carpinteria, California, for filming, and my daughter spent a day on set with me. When we walked into the studio, my client, LinkedIn Learning, had a sunny welcome for Lauren on the whiteboard. That little detail made us both smile.


While I was in makeup, my Producer, Jake, took Lauren to breakfast.


On the set, Jake (on the right) got Lauren involved by having her introduce takes by snapping the clapper.


The whole day was fun, and I walked away with four takeaways.

Three Ways To Fix the Escalation Problem


Escalated calls are frustrating for everybody – the employee who knows she could’ve done the exact same thing the supervisor did, the supervisor whose hair is on fire, and for the customer who has lost time. It’s time to fix the escalation problem. Here are three ways you can prepare your employees to de-escalate so you can take a little stress out of everybody’s life.

1. See How Much It Costs You To Resolve Most Customer Issues

What I Wish Everyone Knew About Getting Angry Customers to Back Down


Anger Can’t Be Ignored.

We’ve all chosen to not dignify a person’s absurd comment with a response, or perhaps you’ve stepped over a toddler sprawled on the floor in a tantrum, letting them scream. Dismissing fits of anger can be a healthy response in some situations – unless the infuriated person is your customer. Let me unpack this.

Psychologists talk about what they call the Communication Chain. The Communication Chain says that when a person puts out a verbal message, they expect a response to that message. That first message is a link in the communication chain. If there’s no response to the link, the chain is left unlinked or broken.

Now, we know that we have two different parts of the brain that serve two very different functions. The right side of the brain is where we feel emotions – like fear, joy, dread, shock, and love. The left side of our mind is the logical side. This is where we perform tasks that have to do with logic, like science and math.

So back to our Communication Chain – if you have a customer who expresses concern, frustration, or anger and you don’t acknowledge it, that is, if you ignore the rage, you break that chain, and this break forces customers into the right side of the brain where they may become more intense or challenging.

You don’t want an upset customer to operate from the right emotional brain. Because if they do, they’re likely to be more talkative, irrational, and far more intense.

You want your customer coming to you from their logical, rational, and calm left brain. If you link the communication chain by just responding to the customer’s anger, you keep the customer from getting stuck in the right brain.

Here are some things you can say to respond to anger without getting pulled into the drama.

What’s Your Customer’s Panic Question?


After three weeks in the hospital, we got the news that Dad would be released and that he would go to a rehab center eight miles away. Mom called me frantic, “He’s so weak, I have no idea how I’ll get your dad into the car to take him to rehab.”

In my customer service workshops, I improve the customer experience by challenging employees to consider, “What else does my customer need to know?” And then meeting that need without the customer having to wonder, fret, or even ask.

If you’re a hospital case manager, and you’re telling a 71-year-old spouse that her husband needs to check in to rehab tomorrow, what questions might the wife have? The name and address of the rehab facility, indeed. An estimate of how long rehab will last, sure. She’d also need to know how she’s going to transport her husband to the facility.

It turns out Mom had been stewing in fear of how she’d get Dad to rehab for several hours before she called me. She knew Dad couldn’t walk – he could scarcely stand at that point, which is why he was going into rehab – to learn to walk again. “Mom, the rehab center will send a van to transport Dad from the hospital to their facility. All you’ll have to do is make sure Dad’s bag is packed and ready.” On the phone I sensed mom’s anxiety fall off her, like a sack of onions.

Answer Your Customer’s Most Pressing Questions Before They Panic

3 Steps to Reducing Stress and Escalations With Customer Service Teams

Smiling beautiful African American woman working in call center with diverse team

Back in my call center days, I paid a consultant a wad to tell me to, “Give your employees time after each call to debrief with their co-workers, and create a culture where they can turn to each other for advice and guidance for how to navigate a tough call.” Here are the top three things my consultant advised me to do immediately to achieve the goals she set for me.

1. Create a spider web type layout where all of your employees can see and interact with one another at once.

2. Encourage employees to place callers on hold while they seek advice from the team on how to manage tough situations.

3. Build in time after calls for employees to cool-down after a particularly grilling interaction, and to talk the situation through with colleagues.

I took the consultant’s advice, and here’s what happened.

Take Challenging Customers From a Boil to a Simmer Using the Reframe Method (Step 2 of My De-escalation Strategy)

Reframe.001When you need to pre-empt an escalation in aggression with a customer, reframe the conversation using the three steps politicians and CEOs use for damage control and to control the message.


Start. Stop. Continue — Three Powerful Words for Goal-Setting, Process Improvement, and Self-Improvement.


I end all of my customer service workshops by asking participants to write down three words. Start, Stop, and Continue. Then I invite them to reflect on the day by jotting down:

One thing they will START doing based on something they learned in the training

One thing they’ll STOP doing because they’ve discovered this thing is not useful, or it’s holding them back

And one thing they commit to CONTINUE to do because I know everyone is already using techniques that work well, ideas more profound than what I could teach them.

My Start, Stop, Continue activity is a goal setting and reflection exercise in one. By reflecting on the day and successes, and setting goals, my workshop attendees are more likely to adopt and apply their insights, and this makes my training more effective.

But I also use Start, Stop, Continue as a 360-degree feedback tool, and a process improvement instrument. Here’s how you can use Start, Stop, Continue for self-improvement and process improvement.

Things That Happen When You Go From Employee to Supervisor


I got my first management title when I was twenty-six years old. The person I’d beat out for the position had been with the company 26 years, and in one hiring decision, this woman, who wanted my job, become my direct report.

She’d been with the company since before I was in kindergarten. And now I was her boss. Nobody said my new management job would be easy.

And it was not. Easy, that is. Managing a person old enough to be my mother, was just one of the challenges I faced in that job. I had peers who resented me leaving the familiar flock and joining management. I was seen by many as too young, too inexperienced, too favored – based on my education.

When I look back at the decision that took me from employee to boss, and all that followed, I realize I did several things right. I made lots and lots of mistakes, but I managed to do some things right. Here’s my story.